The Internet

You know you're an Internet Junkie when...." You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Internet Explorer 3.0 or higher."
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You decide to stay in university for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem... and you succeed!
You find yourself typing "co.za" after every period when using a word processor.co.za.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You refer to picking up your wife from work as uploading.
You start introducing yourself as JohnDoe at whatever dot see oh dot zed aye.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
Your cat has its own home page.
You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again.
You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
You tell everyone you live at "http://www.1000.schoeman.street/garden-house/brick.html.
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.